Why “Stuff” Is Making Us Depressed — And What Finland Taught Me About Real Happiness

By an Air Force veteran, father of three, and reluctant minimalist

I Grew Up Poor — But I Didn’t Know It

I’ve spent time overseas and in some of the poorer parts of the United States, and over the years I’ve noticed something that took me a long time to understand.

I grew up poor—but I didn’t know it.

I always had stuff. Toys. Clothes. Things. From the outside, it looked like I wasn’t missing anything. And because I lived it, I have to admit something uncomfortable: I wasn’t just observing this problem—I became part of it.

That gives me some credibility when I say this:

Stuff is making us depressed.

Not metaphorically. Not philosophically.

Literally.

When I First Noticed the Pattern

The first time this really hit me was a few years ago while dealing with my mom as she’s gotten older.

She told me she didn’t have enough money to buy her prescriptions. That stopped me cold. No parent should be choosing between medication and food.

But when I looked closer, the truth was harder to swallow.

She did have money. She just spent it on things—purses, shoes, clothes—mostly ordered online. Amazon, specifically.

What happened was simple and devastating at the same time: she bought too much stuff and didn’t budget for the things she actually needed.

Living on Social Security and Still Buying Things You Don’t Need

Budgeting should be at the forefront of my mom’s life.

She lives entirely on Social Security and SNAP benefits. Less than $2,000 a month total. Her house is paid off. No car payment. No credit cards—because her credit is wrecked. No savings. No investments.

That $2,000 is it.

This isn’t to say she never earned money or had opportunities. She did. But she always valued stuff more than experiences, planning, or the future.

Now her house is literally crumbling because it was never properly maintained. And eventually—whether I like it or not—I’ll have to move her in with my family.

I love my mom. Truly. But she’s been one of the best teachers in my life—specifically, a masterclass in what not to do.

The Science Behind Stuff and Depression

This isn’t just a personal observation. Research backs it up.

Psychologists have consistently found a strong link between materialism and depression, anxiety, and lower life satisfaction. A well-known study published in Journal of Consumer Research showed that people who place high value on possessions experience:

• Higher stress levels

• More anxiety

• Increased depressive symptoms

• Lower overall well-being

Why?

Because accumulating stuff creates cognitive load.

Every item you own demands something from you: space, maintenance, attention, money, and mental energy. Over time, this leads to decision fatigue, guilt, and a constant low-level stress response.

In extreme cases, this shows up as hoarding—but most of us live in the middle ground: garages full of unused items, closets packed with clothes we don’t wear, Amazon boxes arriving daily.

We mistake consumption for comfort.

Dopamine, Amazon, and the Illusion of Happiness

Neuroscience explains the trap.

Buying something new triggers a dopamine response—the same reward chemical involved in addiction. But dopamine doesn’t create lasting happiness; it creates anticipation.

That’s why the excitement fades so quickly.

You’re not happy—you’re chasing the next hit.

Over time, this cycle becomes a coping mechanism for stress, loneliness, boredom, or lack of purpose. That’s exactly what I saw with my mom. And if I’m being honest, I’ve seen it in myself too.

Contentment vs. Happiness (They’re Not the Same)

This is where Finland comes in.

Finland has been ranked the happiest country in the world for several years now. And if you’ve ever met Finns, this might confuse you.

They’re not walking around smiling all the time. They’re not overly expressive. They’re not pretending life is perfect.

They’re content.

That distinction matters.

Why Finland Is Actually “Happy”

Researchers who study happiness—like those behind the World Happiness Report—don’t measure happiness as constant joy. They measure:

• Life satisfaction

• Trust in institutions

• Social support

• Freedom of choice

• Economic security

Finland scores high not because people are ecstatic—but because they feel safe, supported, and secure.

Healthcare won’t bankrupt them. Education doesn’t trap them in lifelong debt. Unemployment doesn’t mean instant ruin. Aging doesn’t automatically mean poverty.

That changes how people relate to stuff.

Less Stuff, More Security

In Finland, people don’t rely on consumption to feel safe.

They rely on systems.

When your basic needs are met—housing, healthcare, education—you don’t need to fill emotional gaps with possessions. You don’t need to buy reassurance.

That’s the quiet secret behind Finland’s happiness ranking.

It’s not cheerfulness.

It’s stability.

Growing Up With Stuff Instead of Experiences

I grew up in a small house my grandfather built as a vacation home. After my mom divorced my biological father, we moved there in 1982. I was three.

She’s lived there ever since.

I had freedom growing up. I wouldn’t trade that for anything. It made me independent.

But I don’t have many memories of experiences.

We didn’t travel. We didn’t explore. Weekends meant the mall. That was about it.

I didn’t board an airplane or leave Texas until after I joined the military.

How Lack of Experiences Affects Development

Psychologists have shown that experiential spending—money spent on experiences rather than things—leads to greater long-term happiness and stronger social bonds.

Experiences:

• Strengthen relationships

• Create shared memories

• Build identity

• Improve resilience

Stuff just sits there.

When I left home, my lack of exposure showed. My social skills were rough. I offended people without realizing it. The military fixed that quickly—but not gently.

Breaking Generational Cycles on Purpose

My family history looks more like a Jerry Springer episode than a Norman Rockwell painting.

There’s trauma. Avoidance. Poor planning. And a heavy reliance on consumption as comfort.

My wife and I are intentionally breaking that cycle.

That means:

• Fewer things

• More experiences

• Less convenience

• More connection

What Moving Overseas Forced Me to Learn

Moving overseas stripped away convenience. No instant Amazon. No impulse buying. No filling stress with stuff.

And what surprised me most?

The less we owned, the lighter we felt.

We became intentional—about money, time, and what we’re modeling for our kids.

The Real Lesson

Stuff doesn’t create security.

Stuff doesn’t create happiness.

Stuff doesn’t take care of you when you’re old.

Contentment does.

Community does.

Planning does.

Finland didn’t teach me how to be happy.

It taught me how to be okay.

And that turns out to be everything.